ADHD & Productivity – How to Get Things Done

ADHD (Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is often the subject of jokes, quips, and casual excuses, but living with the real thing is no joke at all. 

ADHD is most often diagnosed in children and teens, but symptoms can continue or even manifest themselves into adulthood. Experts aren’t sure what causes ADHD, but research shows that genetics plays an important role. Know that if you have an ADHD diagnosis, you’re not alone and it’s not a “new” condition – in fact, descriptions of the disorder date to as early as 1902. The good news is, today we better understand the condition and how to help manage it. 

ADHD has nothing to do with how smart you are. A study in Germany found that some characteristic traits, such as hyperfocus, make those with ADHD great entrepreneurs. However, if you aren’t aware of the symptoms, ADHD can make even the routines of life into a daily struggle.

Many people with ADHD face tough challenges staying on task without being distracted.  It may be hard to complete day-to-day tasks on time, like schoolwork or chores. They may hyper-focus on one task or aspect of a task (for example, one paragraph of an essay) and struggle to move on.  

It’s hard to stay ‘in the zone’ and to work efficiently. It’s hard to listen carefully, to take your time, to wait. People living with ADHD may make careful to-do lists but have trouble estimating time commitments and following through to get jobs done, even with the best of intentions.   

Not surprisingly these minute-to-minute and day-to-day challenges and perceived failures can lead to feelings of guilt, stress, anxiety, and depression.  

Over time, the ADHD community has identified and developed a number of coping mechanisms and strategies that help people to live and function successfully with the disorder.  Here are a few tips that might help to boost productivity and concentration. Even if you do not have ADHD, this advice may be useful! 

How can you increase productivity?

  1. Avoid Multitasking – Try focusing on one task at a time. While this may be difficult in some situations, there are ways to avoid multitasking and get things done. Create a list of all your tasks and rank them by priority from most to least important.  This may help you to stop jumping from task to task, becoming overwhelmed, and ultimately succumbing to paralysis and procrastination. You can use this strategy not only at school or work, but also for house chores, appointments, event planning, and all the other small tasks that make up a day. If you tend to misjudge how long something will take, check with someone who can help you make more accurate time estimates. 
  2. Manageable intervals- Did procrastination kick in? Manage your workload in intervals. In track and field sports, intervals are a series of high-intensity workouts interspersed with rest or relief periods. You can apply this approach to your to-do list. Try breaking down tasks into 45 minutes of full focus, followed by a short break to recharge and repeat. The goal is not to speed through your work, but to make steady progress and also to take time for a self-care break, so you can come back fresh and focused! This will help you manage big workloads, get stuff done, and avoid procrastination.  
  3. Set up a work zone – If you attend classes remotely, have a lot of homework, or work from home, you probably already know how difficult it is to work without a designated area. Having a work zone helps you not only feel comfortable while working, but it also helps with productivity. This dedicated space will help your mind to transition into focus mode. Your work zone doesn’t have to be fancy as long as you keep it organized and neat to keep your mental space from feeling cluttered. We recommend that you avoid working from your bed, as it can signal your brain to think about work when you’re trying to sleep. This will only decrease your sleep quality as well as your energy level.  
  4. Devices – If devices are too distracting, perhaps a friend or family member can take charge of them for you while you work. Perhaps you just want to turn off notifications or set your device somewhere out of your line of sight. If procrastination is a problem, decide in advance what strategy will best help you manage device use while you are in work mode. Learn more about how your phone is a roadblock to productivity.  
  5. Hand-Held Fidgets – Do you find yourself scratching, rubbing, picking at your fingers, fidgeting, or engaging in other repetitive behaviors? Having an object like a fidget toy can help you manage small hand/foot movements and calm your thoughts without self-harming. These movements allow people with ADHD to feel focused and to boost their alertness. A fidget toy can be anything from a small ball to roll in your hands, a ball to squeeze, or a pen to play with. See the best ADHD fidget toys for adults here.  
  6. Find an accountability partner- It’s hard to stay disciplined, so ask someone close to you to help you stay accountable regarding goals, routines, and habits. Pick someone who is consistent, and who you can trust. Talk to them regularly about your progress and be honest. Whether you’re trying to be more productive at work, school, or in daily life generally, having someone to help you through it will make it easier to meet your goals. Remember to celebrate every success, small or large!  

ADHD productivity tools 

These additional tools may help people with ADHD to manage their days, routines, and tasks more easily.  

Some helpful tools include: 

  • Lo-fi music: lo-fi music helps the front lobe in our brain to focus – those low hums can also help the brain to focus. Here is a 24/7 lo-fi stream.  
  • Brain Focus: a time management app to block apps and quiet notifications 
  • Calendars: calendars provide a ‘visual’ sense of the passage of time and help you stay organized. You can use physical monthly calendars or digital tools like Google calendars to set reminders and events on your smartphone.  
  • Brain dump: helps declutter your brain by having a place for your thoughts. You can brain dump by writing all of your thoughts in, a notebook or use your notes app on your computer.  
  • Todoist: a checklist app with recurring due dates and the ability to share or delegate tasks to others.  
  • Productive: a habit tracker app to set personal goals, track your progress, and focus on what makes you more productive.  

How can we help?  

If you or a loved one are overwhelmed and having a hard time staying focused, consider talking to a health professional. A good first step is to look for a safe person and space in which to talk. The Bougainvilla House is here for you, with an understanding and welcoming environment for you and your family. Take that important first step and ask for help. 

The Bougainvilla House also offers Parenting Workshops to provide tools and strategies that support healthy families and nurture future generations as they grow.  

Call now to find support that works for you and your family: (954) 764-7337.

“The voice inside my head” How to quiet your inner critic

Ever find yourself thinking things like “I shouldn’t have said that!” or “Why did I do that?” or, more positively, “I nailed it today!”? 

What are you thinking right now, as you’re reading this?  

What you’re experiencing is an internal thought monologue, also known as “the voice inside your head,” or your “inner voice.” It’s perfectly normal.  Think of it like the Netflix show You, where the protagonist Joe narrates his thoughts –but without his creepy intentions. This internal conversation might be nothing more than mundane observations or self-queries like “Did I turn off my flatiron?” when leaving the house or “What’s for lunch?” when you’re hungry. Or more emotional concerns might be on the internal agenda.  

This inner conversational capability is thought to develop during childhood, at the same time as external communications skills begin to flower. However, not everyone experiences an internal monologue — others think in a more visual way.  It’s perfectly normal if you don’t experience an inner monologue as described here. 

Your inner voice is actually helpful for problem solving, critical thinking, emotional self-management and behavior regulation. Because the voice inside your head can sound like your own, it is usually tied to your sense of self.     

Your inner voice can serve as a cheerleader, encouraging you to persevere or reinforcing feelings of accomplishment. Unfortunately, it can also be a harsh critic, exacerbating mental health issues like anxiety and depression.   

What kind of messages is your inner voice feeding you, and how do they make you feel? 

Inner Critic  

Your inner critic voice may surface in times of stress and doubt, pummeling you with extremely judgmental messages about your capabilities, looks, or actions, making you think that “I’m not smart enough” while studying, or calling you names (“stupid,” “fat,” “failure,” “ugly”).  

Pediatrician and teen health expert Dr. Anisha Abraham says, “With constant exposure to social media, pressure to fit into a peer group, demands from parents and coaches, and other stressors, teens nowadays are particularly vulnerable to being self-critical.”  

A constant inner stream of criticism isn’t normal or healthy. This destructive inner commentary negatively affects your self-esteem, confidence, and performance at school and work, causing you to quit when things are hard, or to not try at all. However, it’s important to recognize these hurtful thoughts when they surface — because ignoring them just doesn’t work. 

If you push aside negative thoughts or emotions rather than addressing them, they are more likely to recur and to intensify.  If you’re constantly battling your inner critic, here are some suggestions to help you quiet this negative monologue — to say, as Alberto teaches the title character in the Pixar movie Luca, “Silenzio, Bruno!” 

 4 ways to silence your inner critic  

Acknowledge your thoughts – Our brain is a busy place.  As well as running our body systems 24/7, thousands of not-very-organized thoughts swirl around our mind every day. “By one estimate, each day, an average person thinks fifty thousand spontaneous thoughts…chaotic and mostly repetitive from one day to the next,” says Dr. Amit Sood of the Mayo Clinic. 

 As mentioned, it’s important to recognize self-critical thoughts when they surface and to maintain a healthy balance, by separating the facts from exaggerated reactions and feelings that are simply not true. Most importantly, don’t let these thoughts bully you. It might also help to identify the source of and possible motivation for these negative thoughts (for example, an incident from childhood) as a way to keep them in their place.

Change the narrative – When your inner critic starts to kick in, replace the negative thought with a positive one. This practice will be hard at first. Start by questioning your thoughts. If you’ve been thinking, “I’m not good enough to make the team” you can say, “How do I know? I’m trying my hardest and maybe I AM good enough.” In other words, reroute the inner critic with a positive affirmation, keep your inner monologue light, and actively try to go easier on yourself.

What would your friends say? – This is a serious question you should ask yourself! If you talk to a friend about your feelings of doubt, they will respond with compassion and words of encouragement because they believe in you and they care about you. So be a friend to yourself. Live by the rule “If I wouldn’t say these hurtful things to a friend, then I shouldn’t say them to myself either.”  

Use your inner voice for the better – Your inner critic has a positive role to play, protecting you from danger and helping you to set standards and stay on track. Once you learn how to silence your negative thoughts, you can learn how to use your inner critic to help you choose your path and make better decisions in life. Reframe your inner comments with thoughts like “I’m capable of achieving my goal.  What do I need to do or change to be successful?” 

How can we help? 

If you are having a hard time navigating your inner critic and maintaining positive thoughts, consider talking to a health professional. A good first step is to look for a safe person and space in which to talk. The Bougainvilla House is here for you, with an understanding and welcoming environment for you and your family. Take that important first step and ask for help if you or someone you love needs to overcome anxiety and depression or work on skills that help tame the inner critic and build self-confidence.   

The Bougainvilla House also offers Parenting Workshops to give you the tools that will support healthy families and nurture future generations as they grow. 

Call now to find support that works for you and your family: (954) 764-7337. 

This February, Celebrate All the Relationships That Matter

3 teen girls hugging

Welcome to February, the month associated with Cupids and hearts, candy and flowers – and romance. 

The history of Valentine’s Day is murky but is thought to originate with at least two martyred Christian saints named Valentine, and may have also been an effort to transform a Roman spring fertility rite into a Christian festival.  

Today, the holiday is heavily about romantic relationships – but it’s also a great opportunity to broaden this focus. Why not use this month to celebrate love in all its forms, and strengthen all your connections with friends, family, and community? 

It’s also a good opportunity to ask yourself which relationships have occupied most of your time and focus, and which ones need and deserve some extra attention. 

Relationships of all kinds are essential to our shared human experience. Some relationships are forever, while others come into our lives just for a season – but all of them play an important and sometimes overlooked role in mental well-being.  

Better Health Channel lists three kinds of connections we typically experience with others 

  1. Intimate connections – with people who love and care about you, such as family and friends. 
  2. Relational connections – with people who you see regularly and who share an interest or activity with you, such as work colleagues, classmates, or a sports league in which you or your children participate.  
  3. Collective connections – with people who share a group membership or an affiliation with you, such as people who vote like you do, or who share the same faith.  

These social connections bolster our sense of belonging and enjoyment of life. Without question, healthy interactions of all kinds also have a positive impact on your mental health. Your most intimate connections, like your relationship with your family, deserve your best ongoing efforts to strengthen (and if you need help, that’s what TBH is here for).  

As adults, we know (and must teach our children) that good relationships of all kinds reward us with a sense of trust, connection, and satisfaction, and can lead to exciting new opportunities and experiences. All our relationships become part of who we are and help prepare us for the next chapter of our lives. They deserve the time and effort it takes to build and maintain them. 

Healthy social connections support our emotional and physical wellbeing by lowering anxiety and depression. Studies have also shown that those who enjoy positive relationships typically have higher self-esteem, greater empathy for others, and are more trusting and cooperative.   

We’ve all experienced what can happen when relationships go south – whether just two people or an entire group is involved. For relationships to work, everyone must be committed. It’s not always easy – some relationships take longer to build than others. 

How to nurture your relationships Two girls making mustaches from their hairs

Maybe you’ve moved to a new job or community, and you’d like to build new connections. Maybe you’d like to strengthen relationships that you already have. Here are five ideas to help you reach out in a meaningful way to the people in your world.

  1. Take time for the people who are important to you – It seems obvious, right? It’s amazing how taking a few minutes out of your day to check in or show someone that they’re a priority can make a difference and sustain connection – for instance, when you’re at work and your children are at school. Keep a positive, kind, and honest tone, share a moment together, and let them know you’re thinking of them.  
  2. Stay positive – Bring a calm, positive attitude to your encounters and your relationships. Look on the bright side of things, let your personality shine, and take little moments to have fun. You’ll soon see how people gravitate to someone who can make them smile.
  3. Appreciate others– Being appreciated can mean the world to someone. If you notice someone going out of their way to help you, thank them. If your co-worker did a great job, congratulate them. If your child steps in to help when you’re run off your feet, show them you noticed. Recognize the contributions of others, however small. Showing appreciation for someone’s kindness, helpfulness, or hard work makes a big difference to any relationship, whether team or individual.  
  4. It’s the little things that matter – Small words or acts of kindness really matter! Try texting an old friend to ask how they’re doing, pick up your partner’s favorite snack when they’re feeling down, or share a smile or a compliment with a stranger. You never know how much these actions can impact someone’s day.  
  5. Be available emotionally – When you know someone is going through a tough time, be there for them. You may not want to intrude during a difficult time, but it never hurts to let them know you are aware, and that you care. You can simply say, “Hi, I hope you’re okay. If you need someone to talk to just know I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready.”

These days, we conduct many of our interactions and relationships online as well as in person. It’s worth remembering that the same relationship-building principles apply, and in fact, are even more important — showing authentic interest, a positive attitude, and a willingness to listen and engage.  

As humans and social beings, the need to connect with others is part of our DNA. As a community and as parents, it’s on us to model and to teach our children the skills and sensitivity to communicate positively, to give as well as receive, and to see and sense how others react to us. Positive connection-building starts with each of us. So, take some time this month to ask yourself: How am I nurturing my relationships?  

Need More Help?  

Learning to build and maintain positive connections is challenging enough for young people, even more so if they suffer from mental health issues. A good first step is to look for a safe person and space in which to talk. The Bougainvilla House is here for you, with an understanding and welcoming environment for you and your family. Take that critical first step and ask for help if you or someone you love needs to overcome anxiety and depression or work on skills that help build strong, lasting relationships.  

The Bougainvilla House also offers Parenting Workshops to give you the tools that will support healthy families and nurture future generations as they grow.

Call now to find support that works for you and your family: (954) 764-7337. 

Masks on, masks off: easing back into “normal” life

two woman’s walking out of a shopping store with bags with masks on

Wearing a mask in public places has been normalized during the COVID-19 pandemic. While mask mandates have been lifted in Florida, the recommendations for mask-wearing from public health experts have evolved with the shifting conditions of the pandemic – leaving many people confused about the best way to approach masking up. 

Earlier this summer, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) provided guidance that “fully vaccinated people can resume activities without wearing a mask or physically distancing,” except when there are restrictions in place from their city, county, or state. 

On July 27, 2021, the CDC revised those guidelines to recommend that fully vaccinated people should still wear a mask in public indoor settings in areas of substantial or high transmission. As of the date of this article’s publication, this includes many urban areas in Florida. 

While some people are excited to toss their masks in the back of the closet, many others have been experiencing a variety of emotions around wearing masks: 

  • When restrictions lift for fully vaccinated individuals, not wearing a mask might feel weird.  
  • If your community reinstates a policy of wearing of masks indoors, you might feel a sense of confusion about what you are supposed to do. 
  • When you go to large public indoor (or outdoor) events, you might feel a sense of anxiety and indecision over whether to mask up in the crowds. 

This uncertainty may be more pronounced if you have social anxiety. Social anxiety is characterized by negative self-perception and fear that one’s appearance or behavior will fail to conform with social expectations and norms. 

Research from David A. Moscovitch, professor of psychology at the University of Waterloo, found that mask protocols during the pandemic may increase struggles with social anxiety even after the pandemic.

“People with social anxiety will likely experience renewed fear and anxiety about behaving awkwardly or inappropriately (e.g., ‘should I be wearing my mask here?’ ‘Is it ok to have a close conversation?’) and being judged negatively by others,” Moscovitch says. 

If it is safe for you to break from your covid routine, but that change makes you feel uncomfortable, nervous, or you’re not ready to let go of the mask just yet, here are few ways you can cope with the transition back to “normal” life. 

5 tips to remember as we return to “normal” life  
 

  1. Stay informed. Be aware of your community’s specific pandemic conditions, such as the number of hospitalizations due to the coronavirus. Check the latest guidance from the CDC and your local public health officials. Make sure you know if your community is considered a high transmission area so you can act accordingly.
     
  2. Be respectful. Every community’s situation is different, and every individual has different needs. The person you see wearing a mask may want to protect a child who can’t be vaccinated yet, or a family member who is high risk. Many people may continue to wear masks for the foreseeable future, so it is important to be patient and respectful of others. Likewise, every business or event you visit may have different expectations about mask-wearing, so continue to respect any posted guidelines and the instructions of staff members.
     
  3. Recognize your comfort level. The world is changing frequently. Ask yourself questions that help you stay in touch with your emotions. Do I feel safe not wearing a mask at grocery store? Do I feel safe not wearing a mask at the gym? Am I comfortable going to crowded places with no mask? Am I comfortable not wearing a mask at the park? Take your comfort level into consideration when it comes to pandemic-related behavior changes.
      
  4. Take it at your own pace- If it is safe for you to start taking part in more activities, take it slow. It’s okay to return to pre-pandemic “busy-ness” at your own pace. Take small steps like meeting a friend outside or getting together with people who are also vaccinated, before diving into a large-scale public event like a wedding or concert. 
     
  5. Recognize and break the habit of avoidance. Avoidance and anxiety tend to go hand in hand. When you avoid the things that make you anxious, it may feel like a relief in the short term but will just lead to more anxiety in the long term. Although this might be uncomfortable at first, Moscovitch suggests participating in social situations rather than avoiding them. Try to catch yourself when you’re choosing to avoid interactions even when you aren’t being forced to do so by pandemic-related restrictions. Make plans to see a friend and act friendly with others by smiling as you connect with others once again. 

Need More Help? 

If you are struggling with your mental health or feeling anxious or depressed, please seek professional help. At The Bougainvilla House, we offer therapy sessions for families and young people who struggle with managing their thoughts, emotions, and behaviorsIf you would like to get started, please schedule your free screening here.   

Sources  

Declutter your room, declutter your mind: Inspiration and tips for a more organized space

teen organizing

At first, remote learning seemed like the dream scenario for students, but it turns out that more time at home eventually equals more mess.  

Your room, which may previously have just been used to chill and sleep, is now also your classroom and your library When this happens, the lines between relaxation and work can become blurred.  

What to do if you’re feeling overwhelmed by clutter 

Clutter accumulates in a sneaky way, often without your knowledge 

Just when you think your room is all right, clutter creeps in and piles up while you’re distracted. (You know that one chair in your room that holds all your clothes because you’re going to hang them “later”.)  

As we get comfortable at home, chores like cleaning your room can easily be procrastinated.  

Even though it may start out seeming like nothing, clutter can make it significantly more difficult to focus on tasks, especially if it overwhelms your visual space.  

Having a clean space can de-stress your mind and make you feel more productive. So, what can you do if you’re feeling overwhelmed by clutter?  

Get inspired!  shows to inspire cleaning

If you need a little extra motivation to start decluttering your space, here are 5 shows to help you feel inspired.   

  1.  Tidying Up with Marie Kondo (Netflix) – Expert Marie Kondo tries to help everyday people declutter their homes and their lives. Kondo assists her clients in clearing out the clutter and choosing joy in a series of inspiring home makeovers.  
  2.  The Minimalists: Less Is More (Netflix) – A documentary where less means more, rejecting the American ideal that things bring happiness.  
  3. Get Organized With The Home Edit (Netflix) – Expert home organizers Clea and Joanna help celebrities and everyday clients edit, categorize and contain their clutter to create stunning spaces. 
  4. Hoarders (Netflix) – Explores the world of extreme hoarding and provides an in-depth look at real-life stories of those directly affected by compulsive hoarding. A team of experts try to help clean out their massive hoards and set these individuals up for future success. 
  5. Bea Organized (Amazon Prime) – Beatrice Copeland helps people transform their spaces by changing the way they think about their stuff 

Benefits to cleaning up  

  1. More free time. The less cluttered your living space, the quicker it is to clean and easily find things. benefits to cleaning 
  2. More energy. When you’re not weighed down emotionally and physically by your stuff, you have extra energy to take new opportunities. 
  3. Easier to focus. When your space isn’t distracting you, it can be easier to focus on the task on hand — whether that’s schoolwork, homework, games, music practice, or whatever inspires you! 

Tips for refreshing and organizing your space

Organizing and cleaning up isn’t fun for a lot of people. It can seem like it will take forever to do. This doesn’t have to be true!  

Even if you only have a few minutes, you can help your space feel more organized and less stressful by following these simple tips:  

  1. If you have 10 minutes – Do a fast clean up. 
    A quick way to make your space feel better is to simply throw away trashput all your dirty laundry in a bin and clear off your desk. You’ll be surprised by how much it can make a difference in the amount of visual clutter.
     
  2. If you have one hour — Address one section. 
    Pick one area that overwhelms you and start decluttering. When you approach decluttering in sections, you view each area as a separate task. Consider choosing from your closet, drawers, bookshelf, desk, or nightstand. Understand that decluttering will temporarily create more of mess! Think about getting nice boxes/baskets to have a designated place for your items and keep clutter out of sight. Here are few options you can use in your space.
     
  3. If you have one day – Try the KonMari method. 
    If you have more time, try the KonMari method. Named after Marie Kondo, a tidying expert and author from Japan, the KonMari method is based on asking yourself a simple question: Does it bring you joy?  If it does, you keep it. If it doesn’t, you thank it (a show of gratitude) and put it in a donate pile or trash pile. 
     
  4. If you have two days – Make it a habit.
    Once you declutter, the harder part is to maintain it. If you do a little decluttering on a regular basis, you can save time and relieve the stress of doing it every 6 months or year.   

Don’t forget to donate

Giving your items to nonprofits and charities not only helps those in need, but it helps boost your physical and mental health. Giving activates the parts of the brain related to pleasure, trust, and relationships with other important feel-good chemicals like serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin. This rush is often referred to as the “helper’s high. 

Here’s an extra benefit to enhance your “helper’s high”  giving away items supports sustainability. When you donate your items like clothes, room decor, or games, you are giving them a second life instead of sending them to a landfill.  

Need more help?  

If you feel overwhelmed by clutter or other problems that are holding you back from being productive, The Bougainvilla House offers weekly webinars on topics like de-stressing, managing anxiety, and more. We also feature activities like yoga and Zumba, free of cost. Sign up for our next webinar here: https://thebougainvillahouse.org/event-gallery/webinars/    

How to Handle Career Anxiety

Career Anxiety Blog

When your friends post on social media about getting dream jobs, moving out of state, and starting new lives, it’s easy for doubts to creep in when you compare your situation to theirs. Even if you’re sure of your path and career, you may feel anxious when you look at their curated lives and wonder about your ability to measure up.

If moments like this cause you to struggle with anxiety, you’re not alone.

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S. and affect 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or about 18.1% of the population, every year. And millennials are 30% more likely than older generations to report that they experience anxiety.

Anxiety is a normal body response. It’s meant to protect us and warn us about danger. It keeps us on edge so we can be more alert. But when we experience prolonged anxiety, it becomes detrimental to your rest, your physical health, and your overall outlook on life.

What is Career Anxiety?

Career anxiety is a specific type of anxiety that can be experienced at any stage of your professional life — not just during a job search. Even the

career anxiety

most seasoned and qualified professionals struggle with career-related insecurity. Career anxiety can be triggered in many ways. If you find yourself questioning yourself or your abilities, worrying that you’re not making enough money, or stressing about your general career path, you could be suffering from career anxiety.

 

How to Cope with Career Anxiety

If you begin to feel career anxiety in your own life, here are some coping strategies to help you through it.

  1. Be aware – It’s easy to feed into the negative narrative of our lives, but it’s not beneficial to our mental health. Take some time to think about your journey and your accomplishments. List and affirm your personal and professional strengths. Know that you’re on your own path, and honor the progress you’ve made so far. When you are feeling overwhelmed, go to a quiet place, close your eyes, and take some deep breaths.
  2. Talk to a friend – Friendship can play a key role in helping someone live with or recover from a mental health problem, and overcome the isolation that often comes with it. Talking to a trusted friend or family member can help rebuild your confidence, break the cycle of repetitive negative thoughts, and give you a different perspective. Tell your friend how you’re feeling and how they can best support you. Ask them for practical advice, or tell them you need an empathetic ear. Friends and family are part of your support system and leaning on them can help you feel less stressed and anxious.
  3. Exercise – Regular exercise improves your self-esteem and relieves anxiety and depression. You don’t need to put yourself through rigorous activities to feel the benefits of exercise. Psychologists suggest that a 10-minute walk may be just as good as a 45-minute workout. If you begin to feel career anxiety sneaking up on you, take a break. Go for a walk, take your yoga mat outside, do some outdoor photography, or play with your pet. Read our blog for more on exercise ideas and how to stay active.
  4. Self-care – Take time out of your day for “me time”. If you’ve never really thought about intentional “me time,” it can be difficult to know where to start. At its core, it’s just a designated time for you to do whatever you want. It can be as simple as taking a bath, reading a book, exercising, listening to a great playlist, or cooking your favorite meal – anything that helps you relax and unwind. This is also a great time to learn a new hobby or practice – think of it as an investment in your future. There are no rules for how you spend your “me time.”
  5. Take a break from social media – So
    cial media brings us together, but consuming too much can contribute to your anxiety. It’s easy to compare our lives with those of the people we see on social media, and this can feed negative thoughts. While it’s great to be happy for and celebrate others’ accomplishments, we shouldn’t do so to our own detriment. If scrolling through your newsfeed is making you feel more depressed than happy, then it’s probably time to take a break. If you need help, there are various apps that can help you limit your time on social media.  

 

Career anxiety

These are a few techniques you can start to practice today. However, if your anxiety is affecting your life on or off the job, you might benefit from more support. The Bougainvilla House teaches essential coping methods to help children, teens, and young adults manage their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. We offer a variety of programs that fit your needs, such as individual and group therapy sessions as well as intensive outpatient programs.

Treating your anxiety with a professional can reduce or eliminate symptoms over time, and many patients notice improvements after just a few sessions. It’s okay to admit you need help, and to reach out.  If you would like to get started, please schedule your free screening here.

Making and Keeping New Year’s Resolutions

new year's resolutions

The New Year’s resolution: love it or hate it, it’s a time-honored way to start fresh with new goals for a new year. However, we all know how difficult it can be to stick to those resolutions by the time February rolls around. It is no easier for your child than it is for you.

Age-appropriate New Year’s Resolutions

Should your child set New Year’s resolutions?  Yes, but they need to be achievable and age-appropriate. The American Association of Pediatrics recommends that preschoolers focus on specific ‘helping’ goals like picking up toys each day; ‘health’ goals like washing hands, or ‘social’ goals such as sharing toys with friends.

The AAP says children ages 5-12 can understand and tackle specific goals, from improving health and study habits, to speaking up if they see or experience bullying. Teens 13 and up can set goals that encourage them to take responsibility for their choices and actions, e.g. volunteering more, self-care, family responsibilities, academics, and use of leisure time.

Take Time To Reflect

Start by having a reflective, open discussion with your child about the previous year. What did they enjoy? What gave them a sense of accomplishment? What attitudes, actions or habits would they like to improve – or leave behind? Is there anything that they didn’t get the chance to explore? Talk about areas where you, as parent, feel some goal-setting would help, and encourage these to become your child’s goals as well as yours.

Listen and work with your child to choose just a few important resolutions.  Then give your child the best chance to succeed by framing SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, results-oriented, time-bound) goals. Make sure they understand what these goals will require of them, and that you’ll be there to encourage them every step of the way.

Which New Year’s Resolutions Are On Your Child’s List?

Resolutions are as unique as your child. He or she may want to focus on any of the following areas – or they may have completely different ideas about what matters!

Make Friends

If your child’s ultimate goal is to make friends, help them to set smaller goals such as ‘talking to two new people a month’ or ‘planning one Zoom hangout a month’.

Earn Better Grades

If your child has been struggling with schoolwork, help them set specific goals, such as earning one letter grade better on tests. From there, create a game plan, such as studying for an hour per day for a week leading up to each test. As well, your child’s teacher might have insights that will help your child succeed in his or her academic goals.

Eat Healthier

NYE Resolutions

Healthy eating goals are well worth pursuing, with benefits that include controlling weight, preventing disease, improving mood, and more. If your child wants to eat healthier, help them set SMART goals; e.g. eating one cup of vegetables three times a week for a month. This diet change helps your child shift toward healthier eating practices, but sets a time limit for trying it out. At the end of the month, evaluate this approach with your child, and decide how to continue. Bon appetit!

Read More

If you and your child set a goal to read more in the coming year, think about quantifying it (for example, ‘read 12 books in 2021’) and plan to make a monthly trip to the library or bookstore. Remember to consult your librarians or bookstore staff for enticing titles that appeal to your child’s reading preferences and level.

Save Money

If your child has a job or an allowance, it’s never too early to start teaching them the value of saving a little for the future. The general rule of thumb is to save 20% of a paycheck: this might be achievable for your child if they don’t need to help with other expenses. Another approach might involve saving a certain amount of money by year’s end. Those first big purchases like cell phones, cars and college aren’t far away, so teaching your child the patience to save now will pay off all their lives.

Tips for sticking to New Year’s Resolutions

Do it together (if possible). Consider making family resolutions. If your child’s goal is something that would benefit everyone, like exercising, reading more, or eating more healthy foods, make it a family goal. Not only is it a great bonding opportunity, you’re increasing your child’s chances of successstick to your NYE resolutions and doing something that’s good for all of you. Some families might enjoy setting up a competition, but keep it healthy and never force anyone to compete if they don’t enjoy it.

Be flexible. Even with specific milestones to achieve, life can get in the way. If your child doesn’t meet his or her monthly goal, don’t make an issue of it. Do encourage them to keep right on trying. If you’re too strict or show too much disappointment, your child may not want to continue, so keep it positive and focused on ‘next time’.

Don’t nag them. Of course you want your child to succeed and to know the satisfaction that comes from achieving their goals. However, putting the work in to meet that goal is ultimately up to your child. No amount of pestering will make them achieve it faster and in fact, too much pressure will make them resent the process.

Be ready to adapt. Be comforting, empathetic and supportive, both when they succeed and especially when they don’t. If your child is having trouble making progress, think about whether the goal should change. You’ll only know by checking in with your child. If motivation is the issue, think about little incentives that could encourage them: e.g. for each book read, they get to pick the dinner menu. Be creative and always communicate with your child.

If you and your child need a break, visit our Take a Break page or sign up for one of our fun and free Wellness Wednesday Webinars.  Good luck!

Why your child could be suffering holiday stress

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The holidays can be an especially anxious time for anyone. If you’re noticing more tension than usual, your child may be experiencing similar feelings. Your child might seem a bit withdrawn or irritable, may sleep more than usual, or is exhibiting other signs of stress. Some stress is okay, but when these feelings start to overwhelm your child, it’s time to intervene.

Reasons for holiday stress and anxiety

 

fewer daylight hours and changes in routine

The ‘holiday blues’ are real, and have many underlying causes:

  • Fewer daylight hours. The decreased number of daylight hours can have a significant effect on mental health, including your child’s. Even in the Sunshine State, many begin to feel the effects of seasonal depression during these shorter winter days.
  • Changes in routine. When your child is off from school for winter break, the whole routine changes. Even if they don’t recognize it, your child could be affected when the familiar daily structure of school, bedtime, and mealtimes becomes less rigid.

Tips to help your child with holiday-related stress and anxiety

 

Even if your child isn’t showing any particular signs of holiday stress, these tips are great for fostering a healthy and strong family connection.

  1. Take care of yourself. Kids are attentive, and they pick up on family ‘vibes’ more than you might think. If you are in a bad mood, it can affect their mood as well. When you are stressed and anxious, it can increase their levels of anxiety as well and make them more irritable. Although the holidays can be a busy time, make sure you set aside time to take care of yourself and unwind. Your body and mind will thank you for it and so will your children. You can start by exploring these ideas for taking a break.
  2. Stay active. Staying active as a family can be difficult, but keeping up with physical activities is crucial for a happy family and healthy children – and parents! If your child plays a sport, winter break might be their off season, but that doesn’t mean that all physical activity should stop. Physical activities aren’t just limited to sports, either. Here are some ways to help your child and your family stay active:
    1. Start a dance party in your living room with a fun dance cardio routine
    2. Start a small garden and celebrate that we can do that in Florida in December!
    3. Do some family-friendly yoga
    4. Create a scavenger hunt
    5. Here’s a list of even more fun activities 
  3. Eat well. Eating well is another crucial part of living a healthy lifestyle, but it can be difficult and sometimes inconvenient for busy families. It’s also difficult during the holiday season when many want to simply indulge. Along with their holiday treats, make sure your children are getting the proper nutrition they need daily. Involve your children in menu planning, shopping, and cooking!
  4. Meditate. Meditation can be intimidating at first, but can be extremely beneficial to anyone experiencing high levels of stress and take time to relaxanxiety. A guided body scan meditation can be a great introduction to meditating because the purpose is to check in with yourself and your feelings. Try this body scan meditation as a way to relax for yourself, or for your family to unwind together.
  5. Foster open communication. Talk to your children about your holiday traditions and be open to their answers. If they don’t like a certain tradition, talk about ways to change it and make it more special for your family. If family dynamics have changed (such as a divorce, new partner, or a death in the family), talk about that too. Let your child know that it’s okay (and encouraged!) for them to come to you and to be open with their feelings.
  6. Give your child control. During winter break and without a set routine, life can feel a bit unsettling. Talk to your child about what they want the winter break routine to look like. Having a discussion with them about their new schedule will give them a sense of autonomy and ownership over their own lives.
  7. Manage gift expectations. Gift-giving comes with its own stress, both for you and your child. If you know your child wants something out of your price range, be honest with them ahead of time. If your child believes the gift will come from Santa, be ready to deal with those expectations as well.
  8. Get crafty. Being creative is a lot of fun and a great family bonding activity. Have your kids choose and help with a new recipe, make some cookies that they can decorate, or create some fun holiday decorations and gifts. The possibilities are endless and anything that gets the creative juices flowing is a great stress reliever.
  9. Enjoy holiday stories, movies, and music. Even though some favorite community and school events have been canceled due to the pandemic, there are still many wonderful events happening online and through the creative programming of libraries and museums. Enjoy!

Don’t let the holidays get you and your family down.

If you need help talking to your child about changing family dynamics or just want to learn more about parenting, browse our parenting workshops or call us to schedule an appointment.

Why Your Child Refuses to Do Homework (And How You Can Respond)

child-refuse-to-do-homework

Homework battles can turn into an exhausting nightly struggle that stresses both you and your child Addressing this family issue can be challenging, but good communication and early action can make a big impact.   

Get in the Right Mindsetparent stress

Before talking to your child about avoiding homework, take a step back. How are you feeling? Anxious? Angry? These emotions can affect how your child responds to you. Take a few deep breaths, stay calm and approach the topic with empathy.   

It’s important to be okay with your child failing a few assignments so they can learn that their choices have consequences. It shows them that failing is part of life, but it doesn’t make them a failure.   

Talk to Your Child 

You can make plenty of assumptions about why homework isn’t getting done, but your child is the only one who really knows the answer. Give them a chance to explain without the fear of your angry reaction or rapid judgment. Listen to their answer and work together to find a solution. Encourage your child to take ownership of their education.  

Why Your Child Could Be Avoiding Homework 

There are many reasons, major and minor, why a child might refuse to do schoolwork. Take the time to understand what could be affecting your child.  

  1. Academic Reasons

    Your child’s teacherare a valuable resource. Talk to them about how your child seems to be progressing with important concepts and skills. Work to understand details such as: 

    • Is your child struggling with a particular subjectunit, concept, or skill  
    • Is there an unreasonable homework load across all your child’s teachers? 
    • Is your child getting along with his or her classmates? 
    • How well is your child responding to his or her teachers? 
    • If your child struggles with a particular assignment format, would the teacher consider offering options for students to choose? (e.g. write a paragraph, draw a picturecreate a diorama)
  2. Behavioral Reasons

    Your child may be testing his or her limits. Make sure they understand what you expect as well as the consequences for not meeting those expectations. Be consistent with established boundaries and follow through with consequences. If they must complete homework before watching TV, stick to that. Your child needs a reliable, consistent structure surrounding homework routines.

  3. Family Pressures & Attitudes

    Look in the mirror. Think about how your attitudes might be influencing your child’s attitudes toward schoolwork. Are you contributing to the problem in any way? This might include nagging, hovering, or trying to do the work for the child rather than stepping back.  

  4. Health Reasons

    Your child could be struggling with health issues that make it harder to do homework. Sleep, physical activity, healthy eating, fresh air, and positive social relationships all influence success in school.  Issues with vision or hearing or physical issues such as wrist pain could deter your child from doing work, particularly if he or she is attending school onlineYou may also need to talk to your pediatrician about the possibility of a learning challenge such as dyslexia, processing deficits, or ADHD.  

How to Help Children Focus at Home create a routine

Some children don’t view home as a place to work, so the right routines and workspaces can help them settle and focusDon’t be discouraged if it takes a while for you and your child to find a structure that works. Ask for your child’s input and work together

Creating a new routine:
 

  1. Establish a schedule

    Plan an afterschool schedule with your child: for example, math homework 3 pm – 3:30 pm. English homework 3:30 – 3:45 pm, etc. Your child knows if he or she needs more time for one subject and less for another. Make sure your child understands which days the routine is in effect, especially as holidays come and go.

  2. Include breaks.

    Plan breaks in the schedule so your child can have a snack, play with a pet, or get some water. Ican be difficult to redirect attention away from devices, so avoid electronics such as TV, video games or phone time until homework is done for the day.

  3. Start homework together.

     Starting each homework assignment with your child can help them feel confident that they’re on the right track. If the homework topic is unfamiliar to youmake it a fun journey of figuring it out together. Even more empowering – get your child to teach you! 

  4. Change the homework location.

     Set up your child’s homework area in the kitchen, dining area or living room. You can keep an eye on their progress and be more available if help is needed. 

Encourage Your Child 

When you’ve found a routine that works for you and your childencourage your child with praise and occasional rewards 

Stickers aren’t just for little kids – tracking good habits can help to keep any child motivatedConsider offering rewards if your child collects a certain number of stickers. This could include a favorite meal or treat, picking the movie for family movie night, or hosting a sleepover with friends. 

Homework doesn’t need to be a daily battleground. Talk to your child. Listen with empathy. Create a plan and a new routine together. Once you find the system that works, your child and your family life will reap the rewards